Flora in Wonderland

maybe i'm just not in love anymore

2009-12-07T22:40:52Z

maybe it's just everyone else that is

already gone

2009-11-25T09:09:36Z

is the absolute worst song in the world to listen to when you already feel like a horrible person

xbrokn_wingsx @ 2009-11-06T17:19:00

2009-11-06T22:20:03Z

LSATing, FML

sad

2009-07-10T03:08:16Z

I just need more validation than your words.

Okay, for real now, gym in 20 minutes

2009-05-07T00:09:20Z

Ugh, who am I kidding?!? I hate the gym haha

update for Stef

2009-02-23T08:10:16Z

I really think Danny should make Flora his first single when he becomes famous, right?

i need to get past this

2009-02-19T04:06:15Z

I am super duper angry today. Just in general and then in specifics. Is that deductive or inductive? I don't know, I can never tell the difference.

Frankly, I'm just annoyed and over some things.

I need a break from this place.

today is a day for firsts

2009-02-16T21:31:54Z

no eating the batter when making the cupcakes

oh by the way

2009-02-10T05:13:07Z

I'm getting married.
December 21, 2014.
Save the Date :)

P.S. I love Stephanie Vasquez, because we both have a hatred for icky people and their icky pets.

:)

2009-02-02T19:02:52Z

I'm okay.
P.S. I love Theraflu.

Perez Hilton

2008-12-12T18:34:02Z

I really want to punch him in the face...and kick him in his tiny testicles.

life is wonderful

2008-08-29T04:08:47Z

but sometimes I can't help but wonder how some people can be such fucking morons.
I seriously hope that's some kind of joke.

gnonfonjedf

2008-04-17T14:33:06Z

I guess this is how people who take time off from school feel. The moment they are back, they feel anxious and trapped.
Ugh, I can't believe I have to take summer credits. Stupid lab. Stupid whatever other class I dropped.
Whatever.

xbrokn_wingsx @ 2008-04-07T01:06:00

2008-04-07T05:06:29Z

Why does it still feel like something is missing?

xbrokn_wingsx @ 2008-03-01T08:21:00

2008-03-01T13:23:16Z

life is perfect.

even with stupid whore ex-gfs who cant spell, try to add me on myspace and who just wont go away.

i hope she gets diarrhea on her wedding day, since she is "engaged" and poops all over her dress.
The end.

life is perfect

2008-02-26T05:01:11Z

I am super healthy.
Minimal school work this week.
Rho Gamma interview tomorrow morning.
Wish me luck!
:)

Perks of Being a Wallflower

2008-02-16T16:54:54Z

is my all time favorite book. And I know at least one person who might read this who will claim it sucks, but whatever whore you suck lol <3 you

And even though so much of it always sticks out everytime I read it, last night one line stuck out more than anything, ever.

"...things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody."

It's true. And I guess I can't put all the blame on you, because I'm sure I've changed somehow too. It just kind of sucks. I just kind of miss you. A lot. A lot more than I had wanted to admit. And things between us just won't ever be the same, regardless of whether or not we try to make them better in the future. Too much has changed to pretend we're still the same people we once were. And it sucks. And makes me long for those days when we were so close.

P.S.
That applies to two people, not just the obvious one.

xbrokn_wingsx @ 2008-02-16T02:52:00

2008-02-16T07:52:51Z

It's been an incredible week :)

I am just terrible at updating this thing

2008-02-13T01:56:34Z

But, I'm supposed to.
I'm not even sure how I went through the last week not writing in here.
I went to the gyno last week, and seem to have a small lump on my left boobie :(
It must be God's way of telling me to shut up and stop complaining about having big boobs.
It's okay; with luck it's just a cyst or even better, just liquid build up from too much caffeine.
Oh how I miss chocolate, coke and coffee now, though! (Funny, all with the letter c).

Silver is taking up a lot of my free time now, and I suppose that's a good thing.
But he claims that I'm changing and that I'm drifting away from him, and I don't think that's true...like, at all.
It bothers me and worries me a little at how completely strange he's become since I told him Kris and I were still friends and still talked every once in a while.
Everytime I don't answer the phone or tell him I have another call it becomes an investigation.
Everytime I tell him I'm hanging out with a friend, I go through a full interrogation. That's not cool and it's not good.
We've already discussed it and he claims he's going to get better about it, and I definitely hope so. I'm not very good at feeling suffocated and I wouldn't want this to be the reason for the end.

Sylvia the Sex Operator is home today, with new door movement. Brighan is tres excited. I think he should pay me what he owes me already, since my money paid for a lot of the things on that car, ie the lights and the rims.

She looks pretty good, though lol

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

2008-02-02T17:40:31Z

So, this is just a random rant on Cascada's cover of What Hurts the Most, only one of my absolute favorite songs, ever.

Okay, the song is supposed to be about pain and suffering after making the biggest mistake of them all (and trust me, I know, I've made it). It's a sad song, it's supposed to make you feel.

Those fucking bitches (and I really am actually upset about this) turned into into a fucking dance song!!!

Okay, so, yes there have been a dozen covers of this song, Rascal Flatts version included because I know it is not originally their song, but who the fuck takes a song about how heartbreaking it is to lose someone because you didn't know how to tell them you love them, and makes it into something that can be played at some fucking club, just because it's radio friendly and can make you some money?!? (stupid question, I know, but that's not what music is supposed to be about).

And I'm sorry, but whichever one of those bitches has the solo parts of the song, sounds like a fucking barbie recording or something. I joke not! Listen to her! Her voice and the way she sings the song makes sounds like the kind Mattel would use as a voice over of Barbie.

Now, I have no problem with Cascada. I like their music. But I would like to kick them in the face, with a very sharp stiletto heel, for ruining the song that pretty much got me through most of last year.

The end.

merely for the purposes of updating

2008-01-26T16:54:47Z

I miss someone I shouldn't have to miss, by which I definitely do not mean Kris(who I still kind of miss, but it's more of a I miss the person he used to be miss...and I met someone this week who apparently knows him and the first thing this person said to me was "Hey, you used to be really close to Kristell, right? He's changed a lot." I couldn't have been the only one to think so.)

I like Silver more everyday, ~~which is probably bad~~ and I think I may be falling (CUE ARELYS TELLING ME TO BE CAREFUL AND TRUST ME, I KNOW! lol) for him.

I finally got through ALL of Scarface last night and I have to agree with everyone, it's really good...~~just too freaking long~~ I just can't believe he kills Manny. Lol Silver is quizzing me on the movie, so I had to pay attention to EVERYTHING.

I hate my hair. Someone tell it to please grow faster.
I got an email from Vlad this morning.
It was kind of vague, but what I got from it was that psychologist girlfriend really is crazy and they broke up and she went psycho...~~well, he gets what he bargains for~~ that really kind of sucks.

I guess this has been the entry of the strike outs.
The end.

the I don't care entry :)

2008-01-18T21:54:20Z

I think it's quite interesting that despite always complaining that there is nothing to do online, I constantly forget to update this thing.

I have been a bad girl this week
1. I definitely have not gone running any day this week.
2. I have definitely not read for any class other than Deviant Behavior.
3. I have definitely not even thought about the ad I need to dissect for my Visual Media class.
4. I have gotten sick.
5. I have been paying less and less attention to the boy (or so he claims).
6. I have going to sleep later and later.
7. I have not submitted my resume to Humana.
8. I have not even started searching for resume in my files.
9. I have not listened to my training call.
10. I did not go to Judicial Board training today.

Sigh. However, I have done a lot of thinking over the course of the last week. I've decided not to minor in Sociology. As a matter of fact, unless I can get a spot in Sociology through Film next semester, this will be my last semester taking any courses in the subject. I want to graduate as soon as possible.

Secondly, I'm not so sure I want to go to law school anymore, or that I ever wanted to in the first place. Lately, I feel as though it's something I've been wanting to do to make other people happy, to get approval from others and honestly, I just don't give a shit anymore. I mean, it's not something that I'm throwing completely out of the realm of possibility, because it is something I could enjoy, but I'm not making it a goal anymore. Just a possibility (and the fact that I say could, rather than would, makes me wonder if I'd really be willing to put all that effort into something I'm obviously unsure about).

Third, I made a huge mistake when it came to Kris. And it has nothing to do with how I felt or what I did. It has to do with how I acted before all the bad stuff even happened. It has to do with the fact that everyone treated him like crap, everyone talked crap about him to me, everyone told me he wasn't worth it. And I never defended him against those people. And by this, I don't just mean Jeanine, because at the very least, she was honest with him about what she thought of him and I appreciate that so much. This is for everyone who acted nicely around him and when he wasn't around, told me crap. This is for me, for not doing or at least saying something about it. I never defended him against those people and that is, maybe, one of my biggest regrets. He may have let it slide, but I know how much I may defend him now makes no difference against how I didn't then.

And this brings me to the next point, Silver. I don't care if you don't think he's right for me, if he is a little dumb, if he has made every single mistake in the book. I like him and that's the only thing that matters. Afterall, it's my happiness, in the end, that I need to worry about, not yours.

Finally, I don't feel as if anything has changed. I thought it would, but it doesn't feel as though it has. I almost kind of feel as though it's getting worse and it's making me sad, because it's something I thought would get easier. I'm not one to judge, because I've been there and I did the same thing. It's just that this whole situation has made me evaluate my own actions a lot and has made me realize how wrong they were and how I shouldn't have done the things I did. Unfortunately, this is just a mistake you have to learn from on your own and I just hope it's something you realize before it's too late.

I know that last part doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but I don't care. It makes sense to me.
Anyway, Silver is almost home from work, so I am going to go make some time to pay attention to him lol
:)

baby, all I need is time

2008-01-15T00:01:41Z

I feel like I've lost any motivation to write, period.
I'm just really tired. It sucks.
I'm still disappointed that I didn't get to surprise Silver this morning :(
Oh well, another day, another time.

Errick emailed me today. I finally admitted to myself and to him that I really do hate him and I don't want him in my life, now or ever. I'm just tired of it, of trying to find some good in that even as a friendship and I can't get past all he did, all the things I've never even been able to say out loud. I guess I keep thinking if I keep them to myself, maybe they really didn't happen. Maybe I've just imagined them, created some kind of demented illusion where these awful things happened, in another realm of existence.
I'm not ready for that, yet.
I'm just so fucking over it and I fucking hate him and I think I always have.

I miss Kris, as my friend. He was just really easy to talk to and this is the kind of thing I know I could have talked to him about, but right now I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so. It's going to be a long time before I really feel comfortable telling him a lot of things, again. And that sucks. And I know all my friends are there and they can all be there and listen, but it's different with Kris. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel more at ease and for some reason can tell him things I can't tell anyone else.

Whatever, maybe some day : /

Hanging out with Arelys tonight :)
I need to talk to her about some stuff pronto, before it eats me up from inside.

P.S. Did I mention I like Silver, like a lot? lol

Why do I even care, still?

2008-01-14T07:51:36Z

I guess it really is so incredibly hard not to, even when I have someone to make me happy : \

Sigh. The weekend wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and it actually provided a lot of insight into things that I just can't deal with anymore, that I don't think I could ever deal with. And the fact that I just ended that sentence in "with" just proves it.

Just, as Britney said "I'm fucking over it."
And hate to burst your bubble, but by "it", I am not referring to Kris or even anything that has to do with him.
It's a completely different situation that I am over.

Sigh.
I wanted to surprise Silver, by going over to his house tomorrow morning. But, alas, the loser is actually going to work, for a change :(
I mean, it's good, that he's doing something productive, just it kind of killed my surprise :( lol
I'm excited for our plan. I think it will go well. At least, I hope it will.
He needs it to go well, and I really want it to go well for him.
He's not a bad person, he's just made a few mistakes and I'm glad he's trying to rectify them :)

and uuum, I hate not going to class. I actually miss being on campus. S&U is taking too long to give me my job back. I am going to start looking elsewhere, which is kind of sad, because I absolutely loved it there, but whatever.

&I don't think my mom is getting my car next month, anymore = \
because, let's face, I don't really need it right now. I'm home all the time, except for Thursday nights. It's pointless to buy a car just to use Thursday nights.
Whatever.
My feet are cold, despite three layers of socks.

how dare you say it's nothing to me

2008-01-10T19:38:59Z

This weekend is going to be hard.
Not because I can't do it, but because the fact that you told me not to is going to make me want to do it.
Fuuuuuudge. Damn you and your rules.
I don't want it to end based on this weekend.
I know you expect me to do something stupid, but I promise, it won't happen.
I promise, I'll be good.
I just wish you'd trust me a little more.
I know I fucked up once, but that was different.
And frankly, you should be more worried about losing me in Miami, not another city.